(no subject)

there comes a point when the emotional and the physiological become inseperable and you cant tell if you're sad or having heart failure. synesthesia for everyone. for years i've been asking for someone to scoop out my heart with a trowel, it gives me nothing but pain. it gives me circulation too but who wants things to be circular. once just once i want insurmountable change, that which cannot be taken back that which cannot be repeated or recirculated. the straight line which breaks the circle. when i die i don't want to live again again. no. i can't possibly finish everything in this life. look at all i still have to do. look at it. that would be enough by itself to weigh me down but now let's add emotion. sigh. never write from the storm, i tell myself and everyone else. write about the storm, but write it from the eye of the storm. if you try to write of the storm while in the storm all you get is wet.

in other news i'm upset that they published johnny panic and the bible of dreams when it's clear she wasn't finished with it.

always maintain a smirk.

in other news i'm a pirate. yarr.